Tap-Dancing Stabbing Shoes of Death!

(Submitted by J.Panik)

When J.Panik sent me these shoes I shivered and shook in fear. Are these shoes trying to kill me? It's white exterior implies an angelic tap-dancin' personality but its' blades of death tell an entirely different story. I guess these would make awesome make-shift weapons - one throw and no matter how it hits the person, they're guaranteed to become a bloody mess.  Look at the pit below - what do you think happens to someone who falls into that? GUARANTEED BLOODY GUTS GORY DEATH OMFG WTF LOL!!

Also - on a side note - it doesn't even matter if those are male or female legs (since I know people are gonna try to figure it out)...UGLY SHOES ARE UGLY SHOES. 

Overalls For Your Feet!!!

(Submitted by Dakota Doe)

Ok so I know overalls are making a comeback. I'm not too thrilled about this but I'm letting it slide. On the other hand, I am NOT about to let these shoe-booties slide.  These...I don't even know what to call them...(things?)...are so despicable. They literally look like overalls for your feet. They'd actually be a little cooler if they covered the entire foot but of course they don't. They just had to have some sort of Spartan element which makes even less sense because jeans weren't created until 1873!!!

Even my dad said "they remind me of peasants. Are they peasant-style?" 

My blood is boiling so fiercely right now that it can't be measured by any existing temperature scale. Oh look! Halfies in overalls. How cute! 

An Electrician's Best Friend...Electrical Taped High-Heeled Shoesies!!!

Does anyone need an electrician? Cause there's enough electrical tape on these puppies to keep an electrician employed for years!!! Seriously...who made these shoes??? They are so hideous to the point where they're actually offensive. I am seriously offended right now. I feel like someone just called me a racial slur. 

The Never-Ending Ultimate Spartan Tiger-Wrestling Bootie/ Gladiator!

(Submitted by Sunny2KO)

Is she a Spartan Warrior? Is she about to enter the Peloponnesian War? Is she entering an Olympic Gladiator battle arena to fight a White-Tusked Siberian Tiger to the death? If the answer is no to all 3, then no woman should ever be caught dead in these shoes (although, chances are, if the answer is yes to any of the above then she would be caught dead in these shoes).  What makes these shoes so terrible is not only are they out-of-place by 2,500 years, but THEY NEVER END! It literally starts are her toes and continues past her ankle, past her shin, and almost all the way to her kneecap! WHY???

These shoesies should have been left in 450BC where they belong. That or a nice accessory for a Halloween costume.

Potpourri - Chiquita Banana Flower Basket Hybrid!!!

Ok, WTF are these??? I don't know what they resemble more: a bundle of potpourri or a Chiquita fruit basket.  If you're going to wear these, at least make sure they either (1) smell incredibly delicious (like potpourri) or (2) taste incredibly delicious (like a Chiquita fruit basket). Hey, I think I just came up with something: edible shoesies. 

Missile-Seeking Zippered Assault Gladiators!!!

I almost wanted to write nothing because words can't describe how god-awfully heinous these shoes are. The more I look at them the more I can't help but think what was running through her head when she not only bought them but then actually wore them.

(buying them)

"These shoes would go perfectly with my Underwater Navy Seals Assault outfit"

"Hmmm...this would be a great place to hide my glock."

(wearing them)

"Screw my Assault outfit! These are PERFECT for that everyday tank-top-and-jean-shorts casual look."

"I lack confidence in my overall appearance. This is the PERFECT way to draw attention away from the rest of me."

"I give up."

Scrooge McDuck's Custom Gold-Dipped Bootie Shoesies!

(Submitted by Li'l Castro)

These shoes confused me for 2 reasons: (1) why are they covered in gold? (2) why are they in such bad shape when the owner can afford golden shoes?  WOULDN'T.

Leathered Executioner-Style Strapped Sandals of DEATH

There was so much going on with these shoes that I just had to take 2 pictures of them from 2 different angles to capture the true terribleness of them. If the amount of misplaced holes in the shoes weren't enough, whoever designed them took it one step further and added OVERSIZED CLIP-STRAPS EVERYWHERE omfg wtf lol. It doesn't get any better from the top either...are those shoelaces??? I'm lost like a dreidel in a sandstorm!!!

Maybe the executioner below could pull them off but even he doesn't have as many holes or oversized clip-straps!!! 

High-Heeled Multi-Silver-Studded Leather-Flapped Open-Toed Bootie / Sandal Hybrid!!!

Ok so I really tried to get a side-angle shot of these shoes but I couldn't. The girl could tell I was up to something creepy so she was watching me more than I was watching her. AWK.  Well, lucky for me I am a solid artist so I was able to recreate her shoe in just 10 minutes:

I kind of get what these shoes are trying to do: they're trying to be stylish, hip and trendy while covering most of the foot but showing juuuuuust enough skin to tease. Instead, they come off as confused, timid and unsure of their next move. They are categorically undefinable. Are they a high-heeled bootie? Are they an open toed-sandal? Neither? Or both? Hmmmm...

Lord of the Rings FRODO-Style Beast-Killing Medieval GLADIATORS

OMG I don't even know where to begin. How could any human being born after 1475BC find these things attractive?? I swear this girl must have bought these off Elijah Wood (Frodo). Oh wait, that's right...even Frodo thought they were too ugly to wear so he went barefoot on his entire journey across Middle Earth. Good call Frodo!!!